My dear men out there,
I want to tell you something. Something that you probably know in your subconscious but may be rejecting it as a reality cos it breaks all the ‘rules’.
Women want sex. And they want a lot of it. They may even want it more than you do!
Their bodies are brewing a small fire deep inside them and that flame is waiting for more fuel. It’s longing for logs on the fire, big thick logs that can burn for hours; ones that grow flames so large that you look-on in awe of the wildness and vigour of its burning light.
WOMEN WANT YOU TO RIP OFF THEIR CLOTHES
They want you to tease them with your touch until they explode in your mouth.
They want you to touch them gently all over their bodies, their neck, shoulders, thighs, calves – every part of our flesh is sensitive and sensual. Touch it.
Give our flesh some attention and our bodies will vibrate with hot, burning sexual desire. You don’t just have to pinch a nipple or rub a clitoris to get us hot, we are already hot inside;
We need you to add to our fire, not to light it.
Imagine a pit of fire that is burning up its contents. If you want it to grow you must add more wood. It may take time; sometimes you add a log and it takes time for it to really catch alight. Other times it fires up and burns everything in haste, but you can never tell just how the fire will burn, that’s part of its magic and allure; it is always changing and moving and you must move with it.
Like the “Eternal Flame” that the Bangles sing of, women are able to orgasm again and again and again…. and again.
BUSTING THE MYTH THAT MEN WANT MORE SEX THAN WOMAN
There is a myth that men have a more ravenous sex drive than women and that they ‘need’ and ‘want’ sex more than women. Ask a woman in her 30s how much she loves and wants sex and your jaw will drop from their lust for lust.
That’s if she answers, but she’s most likely not going to answer, truthfully anyway.
She may not even know the answer.
This is one reason why you don’t know that we are in love with sex a trillion times more than chocolate.
We don’t always tell you. Why don’t we tell you? Well that’s a big BIG picture reason.
It’s cultural, it’s about expectations and gender and centuries of repression and condemnation for our sexuality.
Just think of the word “slut” for example. You know where I’m going with this one – a man who acts upon his sexual desires is being a ‘man’ and a woman who does the same is being a ‘slut’.
The association of sexual desire with masculinity and not with both genders is very destructive.
It places unrealistic expectations onto men and harsh judgement onto women. And, it’s just plain wrong.
WHY WOMEN DON’T HAVE SEX WITH YOU EVEN THOUGH THEY WANT TO
Now let’s go back to the start of this article where I mention our (women’s) love of sex.
If we don’t want to have sex with you that doesn’t necessarily mean that we don’t want to have sex. There are many reasons why we might not want to have sex with you.
We have a tonne of discretion when it comes to choosing sexual partners – the risk of danger is much greater for us than it is for you.
Of course we always have to factor in the possibility of violence, it is always in the back of our minds when we go home together with a man and there is no one else around. Then there is pregnancy; who you share your DNA with is risky business.
Then there’s that big BIG picture hurdle that I mentioned before – the judgement that is made of our sexual expression has caused a great deal of repression. That judgement is potent, it is embedded in our cultural values and we judge ourselves as well as being judged from the outside.
Once we start to change our perspective on the relationship between sexual desire and gender, our sexual practices and expectations on men and women will change.
We must remember and respect the complexity of our humanness when it comes to sexual desire.
~ Phoebe Smart
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